Category: Behind the Artwork

Sometimes when I share with neurotypical people, they will eventually bring the conversation around to comparing their experiences to mine.

Some, not all, don’t know that comparisons belittle anyones unique, personal experience.

As if one is saying “Your deal is not that bad. All you need to do is think positively!”

“Go outside for a walk, etc.” buck-up little camper!

Its total invalidation by uninformed comparison.

Not blaming or shaming.

Depression is complex. Not everyone has all symptoms.

Some have all, other a few. The level of intensity of each symptom is dynamic and variable., Some suffer more deeply with some symptoms. Everyone’s biochemistry and life experience is full of its unique variables. So, no one can draw a comparison with depressed people.

It’s excruciating, and that’s what prompted me to record these thoughts on video this morning.

My four minute rant is here.

When people ask me how I’m doing, I make a conscious choice to be honest.

I don’t fall back on the easy answers like “fine” or “great.” I’ve done that far too much over my lifetime—a simple mask that is effective and works 99.999% of the time.

But this truthfulness, while authentic, often leads to an uncomfortable situation I’ve observed once in a while. Instead of understanding or empathy, it’s responses where people try to draw parallels between their experiences and mine.

When I share how I’m feeling, I’m not asking to compare who can “tough it out” more.

The thing about mental health struggles is that they’re deeply personal.

Each of us has our own unique biology and biochemistry that shapes how we process and experience life events. This individuality means that even shared experiences can be fundamentally different for each person involved.

When someone is walking beside me through the same situation, their experience will be different from mine. Because we are different people.

What makes these comparative responses so problematic is that they completely miss the point.

When I’m sharing my struggles with depression, I’m not trying to create a hierarchy of suffering or prove my resilience. I’m simply expressing my current reality, usually because someone asked me directly about my well being.

I want to be clear: I’m not suggesting that depression is inherently more challenging than other life difficulties.

That’s not my point at all. What I’m saying is that each person’s experiences are unique and valid on their own terms. The practice of comparing hardships serves no purpose and can be harmful to someone who is already struggling.

This has become such a pet peeve for me, especially as someone dealing with depression. I’m not asking for special treatment. I’m simply requesting that I be heard and acknowledged without being compared to someone else. Don’t look at me with that “how about that?” expression when I’m honest about how I’m feeling.

What we need when sharing our struggles with depression isn’t a comparison or a reminder that others also face difficulties. We need simple acknowledgment and validation of our experience.

The most supportive response is often just listening without trying to draw parallels to your own experiences.

Recognize that each person’s journey with mental health is uniquely their own.

I recorded this because I needed to get it off my chest. It’s not about proving who has it worse, or who can handle more.

It’s about sharing honestly when someone asks how we’re doing. without having our experiences compared or dismissed.

Because, when you’re feeling like shit, the last thing you need to hear is that your feelings aren’t valid. Or that you need to “suck it up buttercup.“